Today's Story: Just Moved to Texas

June 1st:
Just moved to Texas!
Now this is a state that knows how to live!!
Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings.
What a place!
It is beautiful.
I've finally found my home.
I love it here.



June 14th:
Really heating up.
Got to 100 degrees today. Not a problem.
Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car.
What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this.
I'm turning into a sun worshipper.



June 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today.
Lots of cactus and rocks.
What a breeze to maintain.
No more mowing the lawn for me.
Another scorcher today, but I love it here.



July 10th:
The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week.
How do people get used to this kind of heat?
At least it's kind of windy though. But getting
used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.



July 15th:
Fell asleep by the community pool.
Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body.
Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do.
I learned my lesson though.
Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.



July 20th:
I missed my cat, Lomita, sneaking into the car
when I left this morning.
By the time I got to the hot car at noon, Lomita had
died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag,
then popped like a water balloon.
The car now smells like Kibbles and *(edit)

I learned my lesson though.
No more pets in this heat.
Good ol' Mr. Sun strikes again.



July 25th:
The wind sucks.
It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!!
And it's hot as hell.
The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC
repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me
he needed to order parts.



July 30th:
Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3 nights now.
$225,000 house and I can't even go inside.
Lomita is the lucky one.
Why did I ever come here?



August 1st:
It's 110 degrees.
Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today.
It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 85.
I hate this stupid state.



August 3rd:
If another wise guy cracks, 'Hot enough for you today?'
I'm going to strangle him...Damn heat.
By the time I get to work, the radiator is boiling over,
my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!



August 5th:
Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts,
When I sat on the seats in the car, I thought my butt was on fire.
My skin melted to the seat.
I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the
back of my legs and butt.
Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried butt and baked cat.



Aug 6th:
The weather report might as well be a darn recording.
Hot and sunny...Hot and sunny...Hot and sunny...
And the weatherman says it might really warm up next week.
Doesn't it ever rain in this darn state?
Water rationing has been on the last six weeks.
My $1,700 worth of cactus might just dry up and blow over.
Even the cactus can't live in this darn heat.



August 8th:
Welcome to HELL!
Temperature got to 115 today. Cactus are dead.
Forgot to crack the window and blew the darn
windshield out of the car.
The installer came to fix it and guess what he asked me???
"Hot enough for you today?"



August 10th
My sister had to spend $1,500 to bail me out of jail.
Freaking Texas...What kind of a sick demented idiot
would want to live here?