This is so weird . . .

Its 8 am, and I am not standing in my closet, wondering what in the world I am going to wear to work today. I am not trying to flurry through this post so that I can get out the door.

I am sitting here, breathing and relaxing - I don't have to go into work until noon.

I am feeling comforted and blessed in the provisions that God has made for us. Two great big prayers have been answered and I can't stop thanking Him. . .

#1 - my husband is home - he has been home for the past 3 weeks. No, he didn't lose his job ;)
He is still a project manager, but he is sort of 'in-between' projects right now, so he is working out of the main office, 25 minutes away. So, if you see a handsome 6 ft blond-haired guy hanging around, don't worry, that's my husband ;)

And #2 actually came to fruition this past week. Over a year ago this week, I began working more like 'full time' hours at my job. This was not really something I wanted to do, but it was something that I was called to do, and the Lord never asks too much of us. I admit that its been a challenging year, juggling work, BSF, trips back and forth, etc. - and I have had my share of complaining, fists up to God and all. But God has really blessed this path with His faithfulness. Sometimes, you just have to wait on Him. We were able to hire another administrative & marketing person who is able to fill in for me on this new part-time 1/2 day schedule my boss has given me. The timing is so perfect - I so appreciate having mornings at home to get the day going, and the company also is trying to make some cut-backs, so it feels good to be a part of those efforts.

So, here I am - and its so good to be here.

Refreshed

This past weekend, I was privileged to go to a wonderful BSF Retreat in Dallas. Early Friday morning, about 16 women in our class boarded a spacious bus and we took a 5 hour drive north to our destination, the Adams Mark Hotel (WOW, what a treat!)

Though the trip was a bit rainy and muggy, we arrived excited, and amazed at all the people there. . . 3,000 of us BSF leaders for the conference! Jane (my co-leader) and I shared a room which faced the city and all those glorious skyscrapers, with the DART below.

Jean Nystrand, the executive director of BSF, taught through the book of Isaiah - very enriching and insightful! In between lectures, we enjoyed delicious meals, coffee breaks (sigh, I DID HAVE TO HAVE CAFFIENE, MY LIFE DEPENDED ON IT!), and lots of fellowshipping with other Christians - praise the Lord for three 'thousand tongues to sing, Thy great Redeemer's praise. . . '!!!

Perhaps many of you may not know, but my involvement with BSF came at a time when I was feeling a need for connection to other women. I really yearned to be deeper in the Word. Haven and I had just moved to San Antonio at the time, and I was eager to join after my mom had encouraged me to go to BSF. I actually started going in the middle of the Genesis study, and it has blessed me ever since. Last year, at the beginning of the Romans study, I was asked to be a part of the leadership - what an honor. This is my first year of being a Children's Leader, something that seemed so overwhelming at first, but I am amazed at God's equipping! I feel so blessed that I can share the opportunity to teach 11 jr. high students with my co-leader!

The most precious thing to me about being in BSF is that I am the third generation in my family to be involved in BSF. A. Wetherell Johnson, the originator of BSF, began to lead a tiny class of women in Oakland, Ca., more than 50 years ago . . . my grandmother came to be a part of that class! At the retreat, they had prepared a special slide presentation of the history of BSF - I think I saw my grandmother in one of the photos they flashed!

My mother was a part of BSF for a while when she was younger - I think that my brother, sister and I were in the children's program at some point. . .

The Headquarters are actually located here, in San Antonio - on a gorgeous piece of land on the northside. . .

From the retreat - I just feel so refreshed and have a new perspective. Sometimes, I get so discouraged about the seemingly impactless efforts we make - but God really is at work through His people, and it is such a blessing to be able to serve Him through this outlet.

Bon Matin

Each new morning, we wake up to the sound of doves cooing. They roost in the oak tree outside our bedroom window. (That same tree shades Haven's truck and so he is not too happy that they roost there.) They make such a peaceful sounding call, it never seems to irritate me.

Its funny how plain the 'symbol of peace' is. Doves are incredibly humble - have you ever watched their interactions with other birds at a feeder? Little finches and mean jays shove their way to get to the seed. They toss the bird feeder about and scatter seeds everywhere. In the midst of this chaos, the doves sort of sit back and wait for everyone to finish. They end up picking up the seeds scattered all over after everyone leaves.


Our jasmine plants, which are vining around our front pillars have finally been slowly blooming this week. This has been a long time coming - for 4 months or so, we have watched how leafy and bushy each plant has grown, and we have eagerly anticipated the blooms. H got a little worried a couple of times that they weren't blooming yet. They just needed time. Then they started to bud - this budding lay still for about a week, and we keep waiting and watching for a bloom to pop - and then, spring came to our front door.

What is it about the shape and smell of jasmine flowers - how they enthrall us to the point that we have to stop and consume them with our noses. Their elegance, their simple beauty and class - right up there with the rose.

And they wait to inspire me, right outside my front door -

Wrapped around my finger

Beloved

This is the meaning of my name - Amy - and what a precious reminder to me.

Sometimes I manage to forget that I am chosen, called, and beloved of God. How could I ever doubt any of these is beyond me, but there it is. I forget, or rather, I disbelieve.

Remembering a moment of tearful doubt, I once confessed to my husband that I was having a really hard time believing in the love he had/has for me. This was a painful admission, and a weak moment that Satan delighted in, took opportunity in, and pounced upon.

My warrior fought for me when he told me to look at the set of rings on my finger. The shape of round. Circles that endlessly turn, continuous until breaking for a beautiful diamond tightly clenched in the middle. The diamond is the love that the Lord perfects as we grow more united in marriage, and the band is the commitment that we have made to each other, and that God has made to us.

And this is how the Lord loves His children.

Amy, I am never letting you go. I love you, you are My beloved.

Whole

Oh the goodness of tea -

Though, I am still a 'coffee-adorer", the black bean has now become that rich, chocolate truffle that is a special treat.
Hot water is now humming in my tea kettle, ready to squeal at any given moment.
I love the process of how we have to heat the water to make tea, the steeping of the tea bag in the scalding water, and that first sip, which burns just the tip of your tongue. The infusions of flavor, the sweet smell, the soothing feel down your throat . . .

Yes, I am loving tea. It is some kind of wonderful wholesome goodness.

The Need

21Jesus went away from there, and withdrew into the district of Tyre and Sidon. 22And a Canaanite woman from that region came out and began to cry out, saying, "Have mercy on me, Lord, Son of David; my daughter is cruelly demon-possessed." 23But He did not answer her a word. And His disciples came and implored Him, saying, "Send her away, because she keeps shouting at us." 24But He answered and said, "I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel." 25But she came and began to bow down before Him, saying, "Lord, help me!" 26And He answered and said, "It is not good to take the children's bread and throw it to the dogs."27But she said, "Yes, Lord; but even the dogs feed on the crumbs which fall from their masters' table." 28Then Jesus said to her, "O woman, your faith is great; it shall be done for you as you wish." And her daughter was healed at once.

Looking at this passage for this week's lesson for bsf seemed like perfect timing. My soul is weary.
This past month has been incredibly difficult, with many reasons I cannot convey to you. All that I can convey is that God took us through a storm and we are now in a calm again. Through this time of testing, I was tempted to turn away from God with my lack of faith. But His hold is secure on His chosen, and He bolted me firmly.

Going back to this passage, it emotionally overwhelms me that God acknowledged the faith of a Canaanite, one not of His chosen, and yet she believed. She had persistent faith- she had quick wit to say that 'even the master's dogs feed on the crumbs . . . ' She was so eager for anything, anything that the Lord would give to her. And what she desired was not for herself, but her daughter.

"O woman, your faith is great"

Oh to be like that - to tug at the robe of Jesus, daily in prayer. I have needs, I have anxieties and concerns, and I hunger for righteousness. I have doubts, and I have sin but He collects that garbage and folds me in His embrace.

Pearl

This week, our study of Matthew weaves through the parables of the mustard seed, yeast, man who finds the treasure in the field, merchant who finds the rare pearls, and the fish net.

Many stories convey the unchanging and compelling purpose of Christ's message, to proclaim the Truth. Of the many things to look at , this one is so dear: the worth of salvation is priceless, to deny it is misery, but to embrace it . . .

And this is what I love especially. . .

How Jesus Christ gave up His life for His Bride, His Pearl.

How He sought her and bought her, as the man who found the treasure in the field.

How He gave up everything, so that we might be saved.
What a Redeemer, who becomes our Precious Treasure, Our Priceless Pearl.

Soul Soak

This week, I have found myself slipping into my tub more than usual. Like a tea bag, I gladly dunk myself into a tub of hot water and bubbles, close my eyes and forget problems of the day.

Its a wonderful soul retreat.

I surround myself with bubble baths, candles, soaps, and scrubbies, and only wish that I could stay in longer without getting pruney.

I have found the same solace and peace (if not even more - you know what, MORE) in soaking my soul in the Word in the morning, complete with a delicious cup of tea. Its a great waker-upper, a pleasant start to any tough morning too.

I have re-arranged my crazy morning schedule to meet with the Lord first, rather than midday. He has given me such joyful mornings since I have changed, I am convicted that I have not done this sooner.
Sometimes it takes a new year to realize the routines that you have fallen into may not be the best things for your Christian growth. I am thankful for His hand on me, steering my thirsty soul to a deep well to soak in.

Dunk me in.

Up & at'em

Its COLD COLD COLD!!!

High today is supposed to be around 45 and it ain't going up much past that. Brrrrr!

Good thing I have a furry little feet-warmer curled up below me - ;)

this was today's reading in Streams -

Trust in His Promises

"God...calleth those things which be not as though they were" (Rom. 4:17).

What does that mean? Why Abraham did this thing: he dared to believe God. It seemed an impossibility at his age that Abraham should become the father of a child; it looked incredible; and yet God called him a "father of many nations" before there was a sign of a child; and so Abraham called himself "father" because God called him so. That is faith; it is to believe and assert what God says. "Faith steps on seeming void, and finds the rock beneath."

Only say you have what God says you have, and He will make good to you all you believe. Only it must be real faith, all there is in you must go over in that act of faith to God. --Crumbs

Be willing to live by believing and neither think nor desire to live in any other way. Be willing to see every outward light extinguished, to see the eclipse of every star in the blue heavens, leaving nothing but darkness and perils around, if God will only leave in thy soul the inner radiance, the pure bright lamp which faith has kindled. --Thomas C. Upham

The moment has come when you must get off the perch of distrust, out of the nest of seeming safety, and onto the wings of faith; just such a time as comes to the bird when it must begin to try the air. It may seem as though you must drop to the earth; so it may seem to the fledgling. It, too, may feel very like falling; but it does not fall--it's pinions give it support, or, if they fail, the parent birds sweeps under and bears it upon its wings. Even so will God bear you. Only trust Him; "thou shalt be holden up." "Well, but," you say, "am I to cast myself upon nothing?" That is what the bird seems to have to do; but we know the air is there, and the air is not so unsubstantial as it seems. And you know the promises of God are there, and they are not unsubstantial at all. "But it seems an unlikely thing to come about that my poor weak soul should be girded with such strength." Has God said it shall? "That my tempted, yielding nature shall be victor in the strife." Has God said it shall? "That my timorous, trembling heart shall find peace?" Has God said it shall? for, if He has, you surely do not mean to give Him the lie! Hath he spoken, and shall He not do it? If you have gotten a word --"a sure word" of promise--take it implicitly, trust it absolutely. And this sure word you have; nay, you have more--you have Him who speaks the word confidently. "Yea, I say unto you," trust Him. --J. B. Figgis, M. A.

Crybaby

There have been many tears this past weekend.

The loss of a sweet loved one (my stepfather's mother& my adopted Grandmother) has been the biggest grief-giver. And yet, we are grateful to know that she lives eternally with our Saviour. I am so thankful that God provided a flight right away for my parents to be there before her passing.
Haven and I took their two little boston terriers for a while, and while they were here, there was much romping around with our Hector.

We had a quiet weekend, well, minus our night at the Alamodome for Monster Jam ;)

(Yes, we like Monster Truck rallies - they're a blast ;)

We rented another set of 24 (we are working our way through season six.

We had snacky dinners, happy puppies and lots of vegging out.

We just needed it.

Haven dropped by my work tonight, at the end of the day to say goodbye for the week.
I can't remember the last time I cried so much. I contained it until after I left work, and like a ticking time bomb, I sort of exploded in the car driving home. Its not like he's going away for a month - he'll be back on Friday. Its not like we haven't spent any time together at all this past month either.

Its just that I love him.

The God who is Love gives us love that gets richer, deeper, better, and sweeter with time. The hard things we've gone through with this crazy job of his has made the reward of being together all the greater. I am just one big ball of drippy black mascara and snot and streaky tears.

One big happy crybaby.

FRIDAY

WOHOO!!!

We made it . . . FINALLY!

Key Keeper

This reading warmed my soul this morning - I hope it warms yours as well :)

Is there some problem in your life to solve,
Some passage seeming full of mystery?
God knows, who brings the hidden things to light.
He keeps the key.

Is there some door closed by the Father's hand
Which widely opened you had hoped to see?
Trust God and wait - for when He shuts the door
He keeps the key.

Is there some earnest prayer unanswered yet,
Or answered NOT as you had thought 'twould be?
God will make clear His purpose by and by.
He keeps the key.

Have patience with God, your patient God,
All wise, all knowing, no long lingerer He,
And of the door of all your future life
He keeps the key.

Unfailing comfort, sweet and blessed rest,
To know of EVERY door He keeps the key.
That He at last when just He sees is best
Will give it to THEE.

~ Anonymous ~

He's got the whole world in His hands

Last night, my co-leader and I taught our jr. highers through Matthew 12. Being our first class back from a 3 week break, we both felt so indebted to the Lord for sustaining us through all the little hiccups!
The lesson covered Jesus' replies to the Pharisee's accusations of working & healing on the sabbath, and then their blasphemies against Him by daring to align His work with Satan.

In a rather shaky lesson, I tried to illustrate how God's control over Satan and evil through a visual example, a giant hand. Although it didn't work into the lesson the way that I would have liked, I am thankful that I was able to reach all the other points of the lesson that needed to be taught.

Anyway, today I was thinking of God's Hand of control over our lives. I was especially thinking about all the areas that Haven and I pray for, think about, and worry of often. I mentally placed them in God's open hand
and then thanked Him for closing His palm around them, sealing them off from me. He has taken care of all these things.

I am so thankful for His control.
There is no better place to be than in the hands of our Potentate.

Sustenance

From this morning's readings:

Psalm 3:5
I lay down and slept; I awoke, for the LORD sustains me.

Psalm 4:7
You have put gladness in my heart, More than when their grain and new wine abound.

Psalm 5:3
In the morning, O LORD, You will hear my voice; In the morning I will order my prayer to You and eagerly watch.

So Much More

For those who know me, I am not a 'happy go lucky', 'always sunshine' kind of girl. Rainbows come AFTER the rain, and great views come on the TOPS of high mountains.

I feel like I have been facing many giants this past month, well, months. The 'demon of inadequacy' perfectly describes it (to borrow the words from my sister). I have posted before about feeling inadequate. Its a depressing feeling. You never feel like you are enough, you never feel like you are doing enough, and you never feel like you will ever be enough. . .

Have you ever felt that way?

It trashes every area of your life if you let it get to you. Most of the time, it stays on the surface, like a beach ball in the pool, but every once and a while it becomes lead and sinks your heart. What happens to the joy that you should have? Well honey, it goes down with you like a Roman ruin.

How does this happen? It begins with wandering. Jesus gave us the straight and narrow, but sometimes, the wide and windy looks more exciting to us. So we veer. We listen to the evil one, whispering deadly nothings into our ears - wouldn't this or that be better? We listen. We stumble. We ate the apple. We are foolish.
We doubt what God has given to us, and more importantly who He has made us. How can I forget that I am a daughter of God? It doesn't just happen by coincidence. I must confess that I chose to deny my identity in Him when I began that veering in my heart.

And in the end, the evil one laughs at me. By believing him, I only feel the burn of inadequacy, and the sting of doubt and misery. I have wandered too far to a foreign place, unknown.

Take me home again. I just want to go home again.

The Father is truly merciful. How stupid we are, how foolish! Why do you wander child? Why do you wander away from the One who loves you, who holds your identity, who claims you as His own? Why?

All those failures you feel, those feelings of inadequacy, they are wiped clean. I call you Mine, and you are adequate. You are chosen by God, you are made in His image and none other.

Don't let this world get you down. Don't give in to the evil one's words. Everything you need is in Him, our God. When you feel like a failure and you just don't feel enough, remember who you are in Him. Glorify God and enjoy Him forever. Glorify Him through loving your family, Enjoy Him through working in your job, and driving to work in sometimes gridlock traffic. Glorify Him even when you don't understand why He's brought you to a barren place and wants you to stay there for a while. Remember how faithful He always is. Enjoy Him through the changes, the hard times, the trials. He is your Purpose when you feel purposeless. He is your comfort when you are down.

And all those failures? Gone. Throw them out. And when they keep taunting you, keep throwing them out until you've licked them good. Show the world who you really are. Put on your armor and keep it on -
He has made you more than a conqueror in Him.
So much more.

In Dulci Jubilo

In sweet rejoicing,
now sing and be glad!
All our joy
lies in the manger;
It shines like the sun
in the mother's lap.
You are the alpha and omega!

As I was helping mom with writing these touching lyrics on a poster board I couldn't help but get teary at 'All our joy lies in the manger".
What a beautiful thought, our Saviour, and our King - not just a baby, OUR JOY!!! All of our Joy is in Him! HE IS OUR JOY!!!

This past Sunday, we both woke to the sun rising in our east side window - as it was peeking through the blinds, it caught H's sleepy eyelids and he rolled over back to the fleeting night. I rose, enlivened by the morning and made some oh-so-original Betty Crocker blueberry muffins, turkey bacon, and scrambled eggs. The last time I made any of these items is too long ago to remember. All of them together - don't even ask . . . maybe in the early days of our marriage. The simplicity of the morning made it easier for us to reflect on our Scripture readings and each other. After all, Sabbath meals should NOT be stressful.

Beautiful rest and renewal got us off to a new week, and we are all going to need it this week. Especially my precious mom, who is having jaw surgery this Wednesday to help cure her sleep apnea. Please keep her in your prayers - it will be a long road to complete recovery.

Thank you! May He be your Joy this week!!!

2nd Sunday of Advent

How refreshing this Sunday was for us - an easy morning, waking up renewed, and me not worrying about putting breakfast on the table. This recipe was so simple and delicious!




We lit candle #2 and enjoyed Scripture readings and enjoying eachother's company over coffee and a little toaste francaise ;)

The whole day was a realization of God's love and the rich depth of His blessings through the fellowship of friends and family - What a gracious Giver!

Christmas Blessings

What sweet surprises have come our way, making our Christmas so merry this year -

Thank you Grammy - the bells are lovely! Seeing you was the best gift of all!

Thank you Dad and Laurel - we love our Spode dishes!

WOHOO!

We kicked 'em back to Dallas!!!

First Sunday of Advent

Isaiah 9:6

6For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.

After decorating and getting our tree up last night, I felt a little more 'christmasy' (more pictures to come). I guess it really doesn't take all that much. I do love this time of year. But most of all, I love the rich depth we find in remembering Jesus Christ's birth, and all the exciting prophecies of old leading up to it.

This morning, we reflected over these things with some passages of Scripture H had pulled out. It touched me even more deeply this time upon reading because we are going through Matthew in BSF this year. All the new things I am learning through the training I am receiving and through teaching these kids is extremely precious.

I had risen early and made Mandelkrans (*see previous post) and we lit our first candle in our red candle wreath that I uncovered in our unpacking ;) (A little red spray paint made it look more festive.)

Oh yes, a little about the Mandelkrans -

I felt like I was wrestling the dough for 15 minutes of tiring kneading and pulling, stretching and rolling. The dough was just not how I expected it would be. But it finally became malleable enough for me to drape over a bundt pan and fill with a crushed almond and craisin mixture. It tasted delicious. It was a lot of work though ;)

I think next Sunday I am going to try this recipe I saw on Rachel Ray last week :) Looks a little easier - and I love french toast!

French Toast Cups with Fresh Fruit and Cream

• Nonstick cooking spray
• 3 eggs
• 1 tablespoon milk
• 2 teaspoons cinnamon
• Dash of vanilla extract, optional
• Dash of fresh nutmeg, optional
• 8 slices white or wheat sandwich bread
• 1 pint fresh berries such as strawberries, blueberries, blackberries or raspberries
• Whipped cream

Preparation

Preheat oven to 375ºF.

Spray the inside of each cup of a 6-cup muffin tin with nonstick cooking spray and set aside.

In a medium-size mixing bowl, whisk together the eggs, milk, cinnamon, vanilla and nutmeg. Cut a slit in the corner of each slice of bread from the middle of the slice to the edge.

Dip each slice of bread in the egg mixture then lightly press it into a cup of the muffin tin, overlapping the pieces where you cut the slit to make it fit into the cup without tearing.

Bake the French toast cups for 12-14 minutes, until they're light golden brown.

Allow the cups to cool slightly in the muffin tin before removing them. To serve, arrange the cups on a platter and fill each one with fresh fruit and top with whipped cream.

Hope you had a blessed Sabbath!