My Valentino

On Love Day, I received a lovely surprise at work. . . a special delivery from Pro Flowers - from my very sweet Valentine ;) Though we were apart that day, he made me beam from ear to ear.

They were lovely - thank you Lovey :)

So Much More

For those who know me, I am not a 'happy go lucky', 'always sunshine' kind of girl. Rainbows come AFTER the rain, and great views come on the TOPS of high mountains.

I feel like I have been facing many giants this past month, well, months. The 'demon of inadequacy' perfectly describes it (to borrow the words from my sister). I have posted before about feeling inadequate. Its a depressing feeling. You never feel like you are enough, you never feel like you are doing enough, and you never feel like you will ever be enough. . .

Have you ever felt that way?

It trashes every area of your life if you let it get to you. Most of the time, it stays on the surface, like a beach ball in the pool, but every once and a while it becomes lead and sinks your heart. What happens to the joy that you should have? Well honey, it goes down with you like a Roman ruin.

How does this happen? It begins with wandering. Jesus gave us the straight and narrow, but sometimes, the wide and windy looks more exciting to us. So we veer. We listen to the evil one, whispering deadly nothings into our ears - wouldn't this or that be better? We listen. We stumble. We ate the apple. We are foolish.
We doubt what God has given to us, and more importantly who He has made us. How can I forget that I am a daughter of God? It doesn't just happen by coincidence. I must confess that I chose to deny my identity in Him when I began that veering in my heart.

And in the end, the evil one laughs at me. By believing him, I only feel the burn of inadequacy, and the sting of doubt and misery. I have wandered too far to a foreign place, unknown.

Take me home again. I just want to go home again.

The Father is truly merciful. How stupid we are, how foolish! Why do you wander child? Why do you wander away from the One who loves you, who holds your identity, who claims you as His own? Why?

All those failures you feel, those feelings of inadequacy, they are wiped clean. I call you Mine, and you are adequate. You are chosen by God, you are made in His image and none other.

Don't let this world get you down. Don't give in to the evil one's words. Everything you need is in Him, our God. When you feel like a failure and you just don't feel enough, remember who you are in Him. Glorify God and enjoy Him forever. Glorify Him through loving your family, Enjoy Him through working in your job, and driving to work in sometimes gridlock traffic. Glorify Him even when you don't understand why He's brought you to a barren place and wants you to stay there for a while. Remember how faithful He always is. Enjoy Him through the changes, the hard times, the trials. He is your Purpose when you feel purposeless. He is your comfort when you are down.

And all those failures? Gone. Throw them out. And when they keep taunting you, keep throwing them out until you've licked them good. Show the world who you really are. Put on your armor and keep it on -
He has made you more than a conqueror in Him.
So much more.

Sweet Memories

Our Second Wedding Anniversary is coming up, but, as we will be on the east coast that day, I have to do a little posting ahead :)

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October 8th, 2005 was a precious day for us. I married my Haven, and I thank God for these 2 years He has given us together & I cannot wait for many many more!

Lord, can you send me a rainbow?

As I sit here, waiting for a rainstorm to pass by, I pray for a rainbow. A day full of sorrow should only end in a rainbow.

A rainbow is the symbol of a promise, a covenant that God made with Noah and his family after they endured 40 days and nights, tucked safely inside an ark. Even though they were safe from the rain and devastation going on all around them, I am sure that they wanted to get out of that wooden box many times. Imagine how it probably reeked with all the animals and the lack of privacy and plumbing probably drove one to the brink of insanity. And yes, it was probably really crowded. I can imagine how one would want to come up for fresh air any chance they could get. I am sure there was some grumbling. At least from the bears.

I guess that is how I am feeling right now. Trapped in an ark, dying for some fresh air. I don't want to sound like I am completely miserable either. Those who were on the boat knew that there was a greater good going on. Something that they could not see. And I feel like I have no idea what is going on, and yet, I know that God is working something greater than what I can see.

But I want that same phenomenally simple trust in God that Noah and his family had. To trust God to build an ark while the world mocked you. To trust God while you hoarded 2 of each kind of animal, then shoved your own family aboard. To trust God to direct a huge boat to where He wanted it. To trust Him to lead you to a better place, a place where He knew you would grow the best.
To trust Him that everything going on has a purpose, and a plan. To trust my life to His control. To trust Him when I take on something that is completely out of my comfort zone, to trust Him when He calls me to be patient, joyful, and enduring. To trust Him that He'll move me from the ark to dry land when He so deems.

And to trust Him to bring a rainbow.