Refreshed

This past weekend, I was privileged to go to a wonderful BSF Retreat in Dallas. Early Friday morning, about 16 women in our class boarded a spacious bus and we took a 5 hour drive north to our destination, the Adams Mark Hotel (WOW, what a treat!)

Though the trip was a bit rainy and muggy, we arrived excited, and amazed at all the people there. . . 3,000 of us BSF leaders for the conference! Jane (my co-leader) and I shared a room which faced the city and all those glorious skyscrapers, with the DART below.

Jean Nystrand, the executive director of BSF, taught through the book of Isaiah - very enriching and insightful! In between lectures, we enjoyed delicious meals, coffee breaks (sigh, I DID HAVE TO HAVE CAFFIENE, MY LIFE DEPENDED ON IT!), and lots of fellowshipping with other Christians - praise the Lord for three 'thousand tongues to sing, Thy great Redeemer's praise. . . '!!!

Perhaps many of you may not know, but my involvement with BSF came at a time when I was feeling a need for connection to other women. I really yearned to be deeper in the Word. Haven and I had just moved to San Antonio at the time, and I was eager to join after my mom had encouraged me to go to BSF. I actually started going in the middle of the Genesis study, and it has blessed me ever since. Last year, at the beginning of the Romans study, I was asked to be a part of the leadership - what an honor. This is my first year of being a Children's Leader, something that seemed so overwhelming at first, but I am amazed at God's equipping! I feel so blessed that I can share the opportunity to teach 11 jr. high students with my co-leader!

The most precious thing to me about being in BSF is that I am the third generation in my family to be involved in BSF. A. Wetherell Johnson, the originator of BSF, began to lead a tiny class of women in Oakland, Ca., more than 50 years ago . . . my grandmother came to be a part of that class! At the retreat, they had prepared a special slide presentation of the history of BSF - I think I saw my grandmother in one of the photos they flashed!

My mother was a part of BSF for a while when she was younger - I think that my brother, sister and I were in the children's program at some point. . .

The Headquarters are actually located here, in San Antonio - on a gorgeous piece of land on the northside. . .

From the retreat - I just feel so refreshed and have a new perspective. Sometimes, I get so discouraged about the seemingly impactless efforts we make - but God really is at work through His people, and it is such a blessing to be able to serve Him through this outlet.

My Valentino

On Love Day, I received a lovely surprise at work. . . a special delivery from Pro Flowers - from my very sweet Valentine ;) Though we were apart that day, he made me beam from ear to ear.

They were lovely - thank you Lovey :)

Soul Soak

This week, I have found myself slipping into my tub more than usual. Like a tea bag, I gladly dunk myself into a tub of hot water and bubbles, close my eyes and forget problems of the day.

Its a wonderful soul retreat.

I surround myself with bubble baths, candles, soaps, and scrubbies, and only wish that I could stay in longer without getting pruney.

I have found the same solace and peace (if not even more - you know what, MORE) in soaking my soul in the Word in the morning, complete with a delicious cup of tea. Its a great waker-upper, a pleasant start to any tough morning too.

I have re-arranged my crazy morning schedule to meet with the Lord first, rather than midday. He has given me such joyful mornings since I have changed, I am convicted that I have not done this sooner.
Sometimes it takes a new year to realize the routines that you have fallen into may not be the best things for your Christian growth. I am thankful for His hand on me, steering my thirsty soul to a deep well to soak in.

Dunk me in.

Crybaby

There have been many tears this past weekend.

The loss of a sweet loved one (my stepfather's mother& my adopted Grandmother) has been the biggest grief-giver. And yet, we are grateful to know that she lives eternally with our Saviour. I am so thankful that God provided a flight right away for my parents to be there before her passing.
Haven and I took their two little boston terriers for a while, and while they were here, there was much romping around with our Hector.

We had a quiet weekend, well, minus our night at the Alamodome for Monster Jam ;)

(Yes, we like Monster Truck rallies - they're a blast ;)

We rented another set of 24 (we are working our way through season six.

We had snacky dinners, happy puppies and lots of vegging out.

We just needed it.

Haven dropped by my work tonight, at the end of the day to say goodbye for the week.
I can't remember the last time I cried so much. I contained it until after I left work, and like a ticking time bomb, I sort of exploded in the car driving home. Its not like he's going away for a month - he'll be back on Friday. Its not like we haven't spent any time together at all this past month either.

Its just that I love him.

The God who is Love gives us love that gets richer, deeper, better, and sweeter with time. The hard things we've gone through with this crazy job of his has made the reward of being together all the greater. I am just one big ball of drippy black mascara and snot and streaky tears.

One big happy crybaby.

Windcrest Lights

Christmas Day, we took a little drive for the Windcrest Light-Up. They have some of the most magnificent Christmas lights and displays! ;)

So Much More

For those who know me, I am not a 'happy go lucky', 'always sunshine' kind of girl. Rainbows come AFTER the rain, and great views come on the TOPS of high mountains.

I feel like I have been facing many giants this past month, well, months. The 'demon of inadequacy' perfectly describes it (to borrow the words from my sister). I have posted before about feeling inadequate. Its a depressing feeling. You never feel like you are enough, you never feel like you are doing enough, and you never feel like you will ever be enough. . .

Have you ever felt that way?

It trashes every area of your life if you let it get to you. Most of the time, it stays on the surface, like a beach ball in the pool, but every once and a while it becomes lead and sinks your heart. What happens to the joy that you should have? Well honey, it goes down with you like a Roman ruin.

How does this happen? It begins with wandering. Jesus gave us the straight and narrow, but sometimes, the wide and windy looks more exciting to us. So we veer. We listen to the evil one, whispering deadly nothings into our ears - wouldn't this or that be better? We listen. We stumble. We ate the apple. We are foolish.
We doubt what God has given to us, and more importantly who He has made us. How can I forget that I am a daughter of God? It doesn't just happen by coincidence. I must confess that I chose to deny my identity in Him when I began that veering in my heart.

And in the end, the evil one laughs at me. By believing him, I only feel the burn of inadequacy, and the sting of doubt and misery. I have wandered too far to a foreign place, unknown.

Take me home again. I just want to go home again.

The Father is truly merciful. How stupid we are, how foolish! Why do you wander child? Why do you wander away from the One who loves you, who holds your identity, who claims you as His own? Why?

All those failures you feel, those feelings of inadequacy, they are wiped clean. I call you Mine, and you are adequate. You are chosen by God, you are made in His image and none other.

Don't let this world get you down. Don't give in to the evil one's words. Everything you need is in Him, our God. When you feel like a failure and you just don't feel enough, remember who you are in Him. Glorify God and enjoy Him forever. Glorify Him through loving your family, Enjoy Him through working in your job, and driving to work in sometimes gridlock traffic. Glorify Him even when you don't understand why He's brought you to a barren place and wants you to stay there for a while. Remember how faithful He always is. Enjoy Him through the changes, the hard times, the trials. He is your Purpose when you feel purposeless. He is your comfort when you are down.

And all those failures? Gone. Throw them out. And when they keep taunting you, keep throwing them out until you've licked them good. Show the world who you really are. Put on your armor and keep it on -
He has made you more than a conqueror in Him.
So much more.

Grab Bag

My tummy is warm and full from delicious creamy tomato & basil soup and a grilled cheese sandwich (thank you Steph, you sweetie :)

I just pulled on my jammies and I am determined to go to bed before 11 tonight. . . we'll see if I hold to that - I have to get some laundry done first.

I am looking down at my napping pup - he was rather frustrated with me earlier because I wasn't playing with him. Poor little guy wore himself out being agitated. Now his little belly is sticking out from his sideways position as he snores. He reminds me of a college student, with his ability to sleep anywhere at anytime.

This Sunday is the first Advent - I am contemplating how to make it special. We have a candle wreath somewhere in our junk room - I cringe at the thought of trying to find it.

And food, yes, the food. I always look forward to the food. ;)

I am eager to twist some sweet bread braids this year. I think I have only made twisty bread once, a long while ago.

I am starting to get into the Christmas spirit, slowly, I have one more day to enjoy some sanity.

My lovey comes home tomorrow!

My Love

Oh . . . Did I fail to mention that my beloved is finally home?

He surely is!!! :)

We had a sweet reunion on Saturday, early afternoon. His plane rolled in right on time. I tell you, welcome home kisses are the best :)

After he was fed and showered, we went to check out the new Costco that opened in OUR neck of the woods. Can you imagine how happy I was to have HIM pick up that big ol' 65-lb bag of dog chow!? !

I made dinner for the first time in months. . . just getting out my pots and pans made me giddy. And, I have never been so happy to see so many dishes flood my sink! ;)

I made some delicious waffles from a Hot Providence cookbook recipe, and we savored each bite with coffee and the newspaper. (I'll post the recipe in a while).

After a wonderful church service and a bit of fellowshipping, we headed home. I packed us a little lunch and we went to a quiet spot by the Guadalupe river in New Braunfels and enjoyed the sunny fall day. It was so nice to celebrate the sabbath with my man! We decided to go see that movie 'Dan in Real Life' with Steve Carell (aka Mr. Michael from 'The Office"). It was actually pretty good :)

So okay, maybe it sound like we are newlyweds or something, but its really been too long since we lived in the same house TOGETHER :)

I am really thankful right now - he has the possibility of getting a project that is only 2 hrs away and so he'd be home on the weekends, for sure. We are both hoping for that, but we are praying to be at peace with wherever God wants him.

God is so good!

Man Return

My man is coming home next Saturday


WOOO HOOO!!!!

Flip sides and mixed blessings

Over the past three months, I have been sort of keeping a list of the pros/cons, negatives/positives, bright sides/down sides, etc. of H's new position as a site manager.
When we began down this path, it excited both of us. We looked at it like the time when we were looking for a house, and how thrilling it was to finally find one with our name on it. This job had the shine of a new penny, full of great prospects and promise. Over prayer, and over seeking the Lord's wisdom, He confirmed the decision with great peace. And so began the journey, both emotional and physical. This new phase has required a great amount of patience, endurance, and trust that the Lord will bring us together after periods of being apart.

And the Lord has truly been faithful through this different time. Its a time that we didn't plan for really. We didn't really expect to be in places where we are now, but then again, do we ever find ourselves in places we expect? Life would be so extremely boring if we always knew what would happen next. Nothing is as perfect as it sounds either. But such is life here on earth where no person, job, career, or situation ever satisfies the way the Lord can.

And so, let me count the ways the Lord has been good to us, through the good and the hard times that have come with this new phase:

things that are hard (not necessarily 'bad') & things that are good

Getting up in the morning and not seeing my husband's
face resting on the pillow next to mine.


Waking up to see my husband's text message on my cell


Not being able to cook dinner every night.

Not having to cook EVERY night

Having to walk the dog all by myself

Hector's better behavior, and the quiet times I
have on those nightly walks

Sundays - missing our sabbath breakfast tradition, our leisurely mornings over the paper and coffee and going to church together

Going to church and being blessed by others, served by others and loved by others

Sleeping in a large bed by myself

Being able to spread out a little bit

Not having man messes to pick up

Not having man messes to pick up

Taking care of the bills, garbage and car maintenance

Developing a greater appreciation for the things
he takes care of when he is home

No Snuggling :(
No Kisses :( :( :(
No Hugs :( :( :( :(

How much I love him and miss him physically - and how
wonderful it is to see him again

When he is down and not being able to be with him

Learning that God is the only one who can truly comfort him

Learning how to be an encouragement across many miles

How God has given us strength to encourage each other
and how that surpasses the distance

Being apart from the man I love so much.

Cards, letters, emails, and long phone conversations
from the man I love so much


There are many other things that I have left off, but I am finding that the pros outnumber the cons. . . everytime I think of something hard or negative, the Lord gives me a reason to thank Him for that thing.

&

Thank you, all you who have prayed for us, thought of us, and loved us through this time. We feel it!

Praise be to God for the way He blesses us!

Sweet Memories

Our Second Wedding Anniversary is coming up, but, as we will be on the east coast that day, I have to do a little posting ahead :)

~ *~

October 8th, 2005 was a precious day for us. I married my Haven, and I thank God for these 2 years He has given us together & I cannot wait for many many more!

Lord, can you send me a rainbow?

As I sit here, waiting for a rainstorm to pass by, I pray for a rainbow. A day full of sorrow should only end in a rainbow.

A rainbow is the symbol of a promise, a covenant that God made with Noah and his family after they endured 40 days and nights, tucked safely inside an ark. Even though they were safe from the rain and devastation going on all around them, I am sure that they wanted to get out of that wooden box many times. Imagine how it probably reeked with all the animals and the lack of privacy and plumbing probably drove one to the brink of insanity. And yes, it was probably really crowded. I can imagine how one would want to come up for fresh air any chance they could get. I am sure there was some grumbling. At least from the bears.

I guess that is how I am feeling right now. Trapped in an ark, dying for some fresh air. I don't want to sound like I am completely miserable either. Those who were on the boat knew that there was a greater good going on. Something that they could not see. And I feel like I have no idea what is going on, and yet, I know that God is working something greater than what I can see.

But I want that same phenomenally simple trust in God that Noah and his family had. To trust God to build an ark while the world mocked you. To trust God while you hoarded 2 of each kind of animal, then shoved your own family aboard. To trust God to direct a huge boat to where He wanted it. To trust Him to lead you to a better place, a place where He knew you would grow the best.
To trust Him that everything going on has a purpose, and a plan. To trust my life to His control. To trust Him when I take on something that is completely out of my comfort zone, to trust Him when He calls me to be patient, joyful, and enduring. To trust Him that He'll move me from the ark to dry land when He so deems.

And to trust Him to bring a rainbow.

Forecast - these grey clouds are gonna clear, baby

Its a drizzly day here. I just finished one last sip of a cranberry/sprite concoction flooded with crushed ice. Nothing hits the spot like a chilled and refreshingly juicy drink.

I can't really say that I have had a productive morning. Then again, I have not been lazy either. I had to get up before the sun to go to a leader's meeting and fellowship for BSF. . . it was a big mistake not to make coffee before I left the house. For 3 1/2 hours, I struggled to stay awake through singing, praying, training, and sharing time. I have a tendency to overestimate my energy levels, apparently. I think that I also forget that I am NOT in college anymore, and late-nite studying is not an option for me anymore.

You live and learn, I guess.


Anyway, I am giddy . . .

My hubby is flying me out to see him next weekend and I am so excited. He has a way of always surprising me even if I know what the plan is. :) I know we are going to have a day to spend in New York, and we'll probably be staying in New Jersey. Other than that, I am kind of clueless. What a fun way to spend our anniversary! Together!!!

Purpose

The struggle to find a 'purpose' for your life is such a journey. There are so many hours devoted to just thinking about it. So many more hours devoted to praying about it. And sometimes, the conclusion is inconclusive. . . you are still right in that same place where you started, and you still don't really know where you are going.

Twists take you directions that you never thought you'd be going. You thought you'd be 'there', and not 'here'. Point 'A' made more sense, but you ended up strangely at Point C. You scratch your head and wonder 'how did this happen'?

Before you presume I am leading this discussion onto a gameboard of chess . . . let me assure you, I am not at all saying that we are just little pieces being moved to and fro about a wooden board.

Hardly.

We are moved, yes. God's will has a purpose though. A divine one. He's not like the wind either. The wind is too predictable. He is completely unpredictable and yet He still is faithful. I still can't understand how those two fit together, but it makes complete sense whether I understand it or not.

But I am wandering.

The Purpose Driven Life expounds these fumbling thoughts a bit more. It is a little bit more 'go get 'em' for this particular hour, but, it had some good points:

Sovereignty simply means God is in control, and that he has the right to be in control. Regardless of what you believe, the truth remains – God has been and always will be in control. He rules from his heavenly throne, the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow (Hebrews 13:8).

It's essential that you understand God's sovereignty as you move forward faithfully; otherwise, you won't be able to see the hand of God working actively through the details of your life (Romans 8:28). You're likely to become overwhelmed by the immensity ofthe task before you and soon you’ll be plagued by worry, doubt, and fatigue. By understanding his sovereignty, you’ll readily remember that God goes before you and God comes behind you as you faithfully serve him.

You may feel inadequate in your walk with Christ, but God created you for just this very moment, and he believes in you. He is able to take what you give and use it for his glory, and he is able to handle any of your problems or concerns: “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him …” (1 Corinthians 2:9).

Why is this important?

· God is sovereign -- and that means he’s capable of providing for your every need. If you don’t trust that, ask God to show you why? I believe, Lord; help my unbelief.

· God’s greatness – Focus on God's sovereignty by remembering his greatness. We have a tendency to maximize our problems and minimize God's greatness. But when we do that, we also minimize - in our minds - God's ability to handle any problem. Instead, praise God for his greatness.

· When you pray, praise God. Begin your prayers by acknowledging God's sovereignty. You could start by quoting I Chronicles 29:11, "Everything in the heavens and earth is yours, O Lord, and this is your kingdom. We adore you as being in control of everything." As you get to know God, you can add other praises related to his power, his goodness, and his faithfulness.

· Hezekiah’s Prayer -- When the city of Jerusalem faced certain destruction from an advancing army, Hezekiah, the king of Israel, sought God in prayer -- but instead of starting off with the problem of Jerusalem's imminent destruction, he first praised God and acknowledged God’s sovereignty: “God, God of Israel, seated in majesty on the cherubim-throne. You are the one and only God, sovereign over all kingdoms on earth, maker of heaven, maker of earth ….” (2 Kings 19:15-16).

Hi-Lo

It seems like ages since I have posted. (I think that am spotting some mold around the edges of this monitor ;)

I am trying to get over a bug as quickly as humanly possible before a new week begins. It seems a rather helpless struggle against a matter of hours, but, I am trying. We whisked back home right after church (for fear of contaminating a large body of dear fellow Christians). Let's just say that pink eye and flu-like symptoms are a deadly mix in a social setting).

Sleeping, drinking mass quantities of iced water, & bridezilla episodes have characterized my lazy day. Hubby certainly gets the prize for being an excellent nurse and handy man while I've been under-the-weather. After a 3 hour nap, I wandered downstairs at 7:20 this evening to find a white-washed and freshly painted bathroom, weeded garden, clean patio chairs, and Caesar salads from HEB on the table. What a guy.

I never have any excuse to complain :)


***While we were in New Mexico, my talented and wonderful grandmother gave each of her granddaughters a stained glass jewelry box, each unique and with her trademark butterfly :)

Doesn't she do beautiful work?

New Mercies, every morning

Its a brand new morning, and the sun is shining through the bedroom window as I am typing.

Do you ever pray that God would tuck blessings into your day? Or reveal those blessings to you? These are the hidden blessings, the ones that you don't really even realize, or that you take for granted.
For me, its the 15 minutes of computer time before I go to work in the mornings. . . its savoring the last drops of hot coffee and patting my pup. Its thinking about how nice it will be to come home to my husband. Its the new route I found to get to work, its the energy that God has given when I thought that I was completely out. . . etc. etc.

These are the blessings that I am thankful for - the simple ways that He shows His faithfulness.

New mercies every morning
Great is Thy faithfulness!

5-minute Devotional

* this encouraged me for this tired morning :)

Your Crown of Glory

"They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb . . . and they loved not their lives unto the death" (Rev. 12:11).

When James and John came to Christ with their mother, asking Him to give them the best place in the kingdom, He did not refuse their request, but told them it would be given to them if they could do His work, drink His cup, and be baptized with His baptism.

Do we want the competition? The greatest things are always hedged about by the hardest things, and we, too, shall find mountains and forests and chariots of iron. Hardship is the price of coronation. Triumphal arches are not woven out of rose blossoms and silken cords, but of hard blows and bloody scars. The very hardships that you are enduring in your life today are given by the Master for the explicit purpose of enabling you to win your crown.

Do not wait for some ideal situation, some romantic difficulty, some far-away emergency; but rise to meet the actual conditions which the Providence of God has placed around you today. Your crown of glory lies embedded in the very heart of these things--those hardships and trials that are pressing you this very hour, week and month of your life. The hardest things are not those that the world knows of. Down in your secret soul unseen and unknown by any but Jesus, there is a little trial that you would not dare to mention that is harder for you to bear than martyrdom.

There, beloved, lies your crown. God help you to overcome, and sometime wear it. --Selected

"It matters not how the battle goes,
The day how long;
Faint not! Fight on!
Tomorrow comes the song."

- Streams in the Desert - Charles E. Cowman

Like a flower in the rain

Its been a crazy past two weeks here - we got back from Ohio and all hell broke loose. I will spare the details, for they are in the Lord's hands and He knows it all and how it will be resolved. Of all comforts that we can cling to, His assurances to us prove the most steadfast and trustworthy. I am seeking to daily claim His precious promises of Hope & Joy in these dismal times when you wonder if He is still really there.


But He is. I can see Him working mightily through the people He has arranged around us, and their testimonies are truly golden.
When I feel overwhelmed in this present place where He has brought me, I am just as quickly strengthened by His Might. And yet, I am struggling. In the blink of an eye, I feel like I have so much less time. Working more hours, BSF duties, and trying to still be a homemaker and housewife has left me reeling. Sometimes, in the weakest of moments, tears catch me by surprise and I ask God, "why this now", "why are You calling me to do this now"?

My own plans were neatly arranged and ready for His use, and yet, He so sovereignly lifted me from my comfort zone, and put me in places where He knew I would have to trust Him. I don't understand it, but then again, I don't have to. He asks me to follow Him, and that is what I am called to do, whether I like it or not.
Submission is not always a joyful path to take, but He certainly is faithful to plant flowers along the way.

- Amen -

You are the One; there's no one else
Who lifts me up
And gives me water from the well
But there's a hole
That seems to drain it all away
And once again I'm left in fear and doubt
When all my strength is crying out

So here I am again
Willing to be opened up and broken like a flower in the rain
Tell me what have I to do
To die and then be raised
To reach beyond the pain
Like a flower in the rain

The evil wind, it blows a storm
To rock my world
Just when I think I'm safe and warm
I'm led astray far too easily
It's always hard for me to say I'm wrong
Until I know I can't go on

Lord, You have searched me
And know when I sleep and when I rise
You're familiar with all my ways
Even the darkness will shine
Like the day
When you look into my heart

Happy Resurrection!

Okay, so this may be a little early, but we are about to head out the door to the airport ;)

I hope that everyone has a blessed Resurrection!


I'll be back Monday!

Bienvenue :)

Here they are, at last: PICTURES - more posts of backyard and dog forthcoming. :)

Essentials :)

Doorbell


Welcome
Brightening the Doorstep


Front
Front, Again


Entry
This is Hector :) His grin & waggy tail will greet you


Fireplace (& corner still-in-progress)

Living Room

Dining Room

Kitchen


Stairway

Loft

Guest Room - with Ocean Mural

Guest Room Window

Future Nursery - right now, it is sort of our 'junk room'/craft room - it was the previous owner's baby girl's room (but you couldn't guess that, right? ;)

Guest Bathroom

Master Bedroom: Office area & bathroom

Bedroom & window seat - open door is a walk-in closet

Master Bathroom tub


Master bathroom Shower
Haven's dungeon - aka 'Las Vegas' (previous owners had a thing for Vegas and 'the King' ;)