Learning to let go

I am a failure when it comes to daily remembering God’s faithfulness.

I am inclined to myself.

The first thing to come to my mind is most always me-centered. Sometimes, I catch myself cultivating this mentality, and quickly address it. Other times, (more often), I ponder those thoughts, those ‘oh, that would be nice’ sort of situations that I arrange myself in. I am speaking in terms of my will here.

It shouldn’t be a shock to say that I often think my will is best. After all, I am inclined to self. Inclined to sin even more so.

Is there anything wrong with wishing? With desiring something? I am not going to try to answer that with a yes or no, for it is good to desire, and I am a firm believer in wishing. (*lots of my wishes have come true). The thing is, wishing is like dust ‘un-fairied’ until the magic of God’s blessing touches it (and I assure you, I am not talking ‘hocus pocus’ here).

Are the desires good? For instance, a desire of mine is to have children. Now that isn’t bad at all – that is a good desire. But the real question is do I desire the will of God above all else?

I don’t – its shameful. I want to, and yet I don’t seek this in my daily life.

I love my wishing, I love my will, my dreams, my way. And yet, how many times the Lord brings me down a different path, so different than the one I had thought, and often, so different from the one I had wanted. And sometimes I am taken kicking and screaming from what I wanted.

What a foolish child I can be.

He pulls me aside, and gently whispers, ‘Amy, Amy, this is not about you. The webs you weave are tangled. Good and golden desires tarnished by sin, by selfishness’. My plans for you are to prosper you, and bring you peace’.

But Lord, what are these plans, why can’t I see them? Can’t you see what the plans I have here, these ones, the ones that I want?

God is not blind. He does not need me to highlight and red-letter what I want. The fact of the matter is this, Do I trust Him? Do I trust in His faithfulness to bring about what His will is? His will is the best thing. His divine, mysterious will that can frustrate the plans of man to the point of their own exhaustion. And it is for their own good.

Sometimes, I have found myself so frustrated that things are not going a certain way that I start crying. Boohooing because I am not satisfied with the way that everything is playing out.

Its pathetic.

God puts up with such foolishness, how does He do it? He is so patient with our stubbornness, with our foolishness.

Why?

Because He is faithful.

He will not abandon His children, though they wander into barren lands and begin to starve, He rains down manna to feed them.

He provides, He is Jehovah Jireh. He is the Mountain Mover, the Calmer of the Seas, the Creator, the Omnipotent God.

Thank You Lord

'Teach me Lord, to have faith that what Your bringing me will, change my life and bring You glory.'

-“Calmer of the Storm” – Down Here