Anticipation

Have patience. Relax. Wait on the Lord. Be content in whatever circumstance that you may be in. Trust in His timing. Make the most of this time. Have joy. Hope in the Lord, for He is your strength. Bite your tongue. The Lord is faithful. I think that I have caught myself saying or thinking at least one of these things ten times a day this past week. In a time when I sort of feel like we are at a 'hiccup', in my heart of hearts, I really do desire to please Him in what I am doing/saying/thinking. This may very well not be as manifest on the outside, however. I snap too quickly, I confess.
Sigh.

Life is so mysteriously laid out. He laid out the blueprints far before I was in the womb, before the creation. He knew each event that would happen, He knew how things would play out, one by one. And I still have the attitude of feeling duped. I don't trust Him enough. I will never trust Him enough to be able to actually "trust" Him completely. Does that make sense? I look at the future stupidly. The hopes and dreams are all ordered around when I think that they should happen. What comes of this is a model world of a central "me" with all the aspects of life revolving around me. Selfish.

Today I just want to re-order this picture. He is the center of all these things. He is the purpose of my life, the end of it and the beginning. The time before and the time after, the time eternal. I want to believe that from the bottom of my heart to my skin's surface.


"Teach me Lord to have faith in what You're bringing me".